spiritual humanism

i either have to get my hair cut, or learn to play guitar better to justify this mop. the cool part is that i finally have a body part that women want to touch. too bad it's just my curly hair.

as i was cruising the net looking at self-help sites (anonymously, of course) i found the spiritual humanism link above. i thought, holy crap, i can become an ordained minister over the internet, instantly! all my problems would be solved! but alas, as i was reaching for my wallet so i could order the "Deluxe Clergy Pack - $89.95 (+$4.95 S&H)" i read:

"You are prohibited from performing ceremonies that involve exorcism, circumcision and animal sacrifice."

the part i was counting on was being able to perform an exorcism on myself (get rid of my problems, remember?) but now, if i get caught up in the heat of the moment and decide i also want to circumcise myself while clubbing a baby seal with a stick, it invalidates the whole exorcism. dammit. problems NOT solved.

but, since they used the word "and" instead of "or", i guess as long as i'm careful not to do all three in the same ceremony, it's legal and i am still an ordained minister. so, if anyone would have a need for my services, Reverend Hank Wood is available, and would be honored to circumcise you while performing your wedding ceremony. i'll leave clubbing the baby seals up to you, since you won't be able to do anything else on your wedding night.