spiritual humanism

i either have to get my hair cut, or learn to play guitar better to justify this mop. the cool part is that i finally have a body part that women want to touch. too bad it's just my curly hair.

as i was cruising the net looking at self-help sites (anonymously, of course) i found the spiritual humanism link above. i thought, holy crap, i can become an ordained minister over the internet, instantly! all my problems would be solved! but alas, as i was reaching for my wallet so i could order the "Deluxe Clergy Pack - $89.95 (+$4.95 S&H)" i read:

"You are prohibited from performing ceremonies that involve exorcism, circumcision and animal sacrifice."

the part i was counting on was being able to perform an exorcism on myself (get rid of my problems, remember?) but now, if i get caught up in the heat of the moment and decide i also want to circumcise myself while clubbing a baby seal with a stick, it invalidates the whole exorcism. dammit. problems NOT solved.

but, since they used the word "and" instead of "or", i guess as long as i'm careful not to do all three in the same ceremony, it's legal and i am still an ordained minister. so, if anyone would have a need for my services, Reverend Hank Wood is available, and would be honored to circumcise you while performing your wedding ceremony. i'll leave clubbing the baby seals up to you, since you won't be able to do anything else on your wedding night.

got this in my email

if i had known these ladies were going to take a picture of my crotch, i would have taken my socks off and stuffed them in my underwear for that "not so natural male enhancement". maybe i should give bob the enzyte guy a call........

out with the old

Today, i awoke with a headache, and the determination to finally finish makeing some changes i have been working on in how i live. i stayed home from work, cleaned house, and got rid of all the beer. i had already got myself off of eating painkillers all day, so now it's time to ditch the booze. i was never really into doing alot of both, but it was starting to keep me from doing the things i like, so it was time to do something about it. reality sucks, but i'm getting used to it. i've already had a great day, hope every one else had a great day!

check this out

whilst perusing the world wide web this afternoon, i came across the gem above. (link) so as you can see, this proves that not all mentions of my name in the news or on the internet are due to actions deemed unacceptable by human moral and legal standards. ironically, the team i was bowling on is named for my non-existent chassis company, and the girl bowling with me i am no longer dating.


but we still won first place.......

I know, I know

i promise i will write an update soon. until then, click on the link above for some creepy entertainment.

A beautiful day

The sun is out and i'm off to the wedding of our drummer, Jerry, to Kim.

This past week was fun, yesterday playing at the Chokecherry Festival was a bit chilly, but we had a great crowd. There was a 14 year old girl that got up while we took a break that played an acoustic guitar and sang fluffy Michele Branch and Jewel songs, and she did very well. I overheard the guys in the band whispering about kicking me out and getting her to take my spot since she could play guitar better than me, she could actually sing, AND she was definately much better looking. (of course, I have naturally curly hair where she just had plain old straight hair) I hope by attending Jerry's wedding that he will not vote to kick me out of the band.

Have a great day everyone, and best wishes to Jerry and Kim.

Can't sleep, so let's see if I can type.

The Eagles Club started out slow last night, but it got better. Somewhat. It was fun playing all the songs, but it's hard to keep playing when you're trying not to puke from laughing so hard. Jerry, the drummer and singer, can't remember the words to half the songs, and he must have got some bad drugs last night from the words he was making up. I almost puked through my nose.

Earlier this week, I stopped to have a beverage after taking my camper up to the lake to use this weekend, and got to experience first hand a chic who thought she had some paranormal power. After following her around for about ten seconds, i realized she was more nuts than beautiful. So i went home.

This weekend, i'm taking the boat, camping at the lake, and doing some fishing. And let's see, music i've been listening to lately: new Nine Inch Nails, old Porno for Pyro's, and Keith Whitley. No wonder my brain hurts. Have a great weekend.

P.S. Glad you're doing better Uncle Howard, and i hope you are doing good as well, Aunt Annabelle. Love 'yall!